healthy/sick

I'm a healthy person. do i eat healthy? not really, do i exercise regularily? other than work no. my job being a physically demanding one isnt really that much excercise. i have never taken vitamins and never will when i was younger the neighbors kids took vitamins daily we were the same age and they were sick all the time. me if im lucky ill get a head cold for a couple hours once a year. i weigh 190 to 200 pounds i would describe myself as muscular. why dont i get sick more than everyone one i know who "eats healthy" it seems the healthier you eat the more times you get sick. i have a high metabolism thats true enough so that may be why my body remains healthy people say my metabolism will slow down but there are older people who can eat like me and also remain slim. i dont mean to say that they are lying but maybe the metabolism just needs to be kept up. a thing to add to my list of pet peeves is when people say "its good for you" or "its reccomended to have at least this much of somthing per day" if its good for me then why does it taste like shit? if i ate everything that was reccomended everyday i would explode, i would have to eat all day. 

sales, tales, and fails

if only everyone could get exactly what they want. that way you would always get as you deserve. the art of salesmanship is something that i do not agree with. i dont like being talked into things if i want it then i shall have it if money allows it and i feel i need it enough. people almost rely on being able to return things nowadays. and everywhere accepts that sometimes things just arent quite right which is fair but if you were talked into buying it by a salesman its your own fault. people need to start getting things right the first time communicate what you want. dont be jostled around by someone who in some cases cares nothing about what you need or want. its that damn propagandization again and again i feel the pressure of normalcy, conformity, and ignorance. i dont want to buy a home in a neighborhood i dont like im open to places i dont know but if i know its a terrible neighborhood then why would someone try to guilt me into it. i dont want to buy a car that has all the bells and whistles its fun to look at sometimes but i want it to have my bells and whistles not everyone else's.

 im so frustrated with how little is changing in such a modern world. why is the news always about the bad this topic is beaten to death but seriously they need to change their target audience to youth aged 15 to 25 find the positive things to talk about in everyday life and have informative guests rather than witnesses to murders. kids need to question things. they are expected to just accept too much they talk about the desensitisation of youth but do nothing to stop it even myself i rant about shit i do nothing about. life needs to change but i dont have an answer yet.

 i was thinking today about how we could design a new government one that is actually ran by the people who care we have the technology to hear everyones voice yet we are still electing a few blabbermouthed fools to run things. when i went to the house of commons when i was lets say 16 or 17 i laughed at how they insulted each other and said such weird things that had nothing to do with the topics they were supposed to be discussing this was a while ago so my memory isnt that great of it but it was still something i didnt feel proud of witnessing it was awful, to say the least.

narcissistic?

i had the most fantastic drive today roughly 5 hours of it i was listening to a book reading i bought to stay awake but it wasnt the book that actually enthralled me it was all the ideas and thoughts that made me stay awake. it was a tale of love. the vocabulary level being slightly above mine and it was just written overly descriptive of things that in my opinion didnt need more explanation but i felt it needed more description in other parts but maybe my imagination works differently than the authors and this realization fascinated me. i have a hard time imagining peoples faces and what they should look like if there is little to no description i just cant do it. when it comes to feelings and the way they were thinking i can delve deeper than is described to me and its clear as day. i couldnt portray scenes in my mind they couldnt be what the story described instead i would mash together places that i know like a family friends cabin with the land from PEI that i remember, it was really intruiging. i cant help but wonder where all the differences in people come from but we know some external influences how your raised, where you grew up, the foods you eat, the friends you have all external things but its how people imagine themselves to be on the inside thats what really counts. as cliche as that is to say but like even when you look in the mirror are you suprised at how you look? or at how people can react to you ? sometimes i feel my imagination takes over how i feel i should look in the mirror i dont dislike how i look im perfectly self satasfied but the mirror isnt something i like to look myself in the face in. it doesnt do anything for me i feel more confident with my imagined self. i struggle with knowing wether or not i am just a voice inside my head above my brain or wether im a part of it. wether i live life or just imagine all of the outcomes whilst reacting the way i always do.

i feel i need to explain something as i write i think and thats why i always get off track and always say the word maybe because i dont have a clear definitive answer in my head yet but this is the first time im thinking about it so im seeing where it goes.

back to where i was....... maybe the imagination is just a way to see the way you should be reacting your imagination is who you really are. then again im an introvert...... but extroverts have imaginations too. not to insult extroverts but they just cant seem to contain themselves its as if they will explode if they dont act out what is in their head that very instant. ok it was an insult ill admit it. i love being an introvert i can control myself i can choose my words i can react in ways to get the reactions i want. maybe im also a bit narcissistic.

just some rants

 i have started to tell myself something over and over again one of my many things it goes positivity creates positivity and negativity creates negativity the only way of avoiding either one of these truths is to be aware of them. my life that i currently live in is surrounded by negativity my workplace being the worst of all everyone there doesnt want to be there with the exceptions of myself my boss and one other person i believe but even my boss doesnt want to be there its because of the other people. all they ever talk about is how bad their situation is and how much better they are than the job they have im all for making yourself feel better but eventually they gotta realize they're their own worst enemy. them being negative all the time and complaining well of course thats all their mind thinks about what they should be doing is closing their mouth and opening their minds thinking of solutions instead of clever ways to insult themselves or others. i could complain about these people all day but thats kinda a self fullfilling prophecy i hope they find happiness.

obama has won a second term thats all i needed to know. im canadian not american and i know more about american politics than i do canadian why!!!! i hear about it at work, on the radio, on the internet, everywhere! american politics really isnt that much more amazing than canadian but they do have an us vs them appearance which means somebody is always the bad guy and everyone is so relieved that obama won myself included i feel he has done a lot of work in spite of the bad situation he was left with and if he can bring change to healthcare the man is a god the reason i say this is because of michael moore's documentary called sicko it shows a side of american healthcare that needed to be shown. obama is already a great man and it sickens me that mitt romney was even close in the polls anything i have ever heard about him is awful but could this be strategic propagandization by the existing govt who can tell the truth from a lie anymore. im tired of american politics please canada lets get it together and get people more involved if partys did more inspiring stuff they could get votes. only time will tell but i fear the environment is running out of time

anyone affected by hurricane sandy my thoughts have been with you.

make the effort

when your invited to do things or to go to events with people try your best to go and dont go back on your word if you say youll go then go. people will remember that you made the effort to come see them and that you cared. Its terrifying to go and see people all the time and always have your best face on but i think its good for you. i personally have a terrible habit of ditching people who are close to me for other people whom arent as close. its not that i dont like them its just i know whats going to happen when i hang out with the same people all the time. we get tired of each other. all of our quirks and odd mannerisms begin to become more of annoyances than cute. there are some people who can hang out with the same person all the time but i feel like they need a common goal to work on together this is how people can be married i believe. im getting off track so people will remember that you came to see them for their birthday or going away party or their house warming party any sort of gathering people remember it you dont have to do anything spectacular when you are there. just be yourself. the reason that this is a good idea to do is to have these people around when you need them they wont forget you or disregard you. they will be there for you one day when you have a birthday or anything like that hopefully they make the same choice to come and see you.

forgetting and remembering

so i had a fantastic idea to write about today and wouldnt ya know it as soon as im ready to get to it i forget what it was all about im sure it started with a C but oh well. ive just had a thought that maybe when people forget things or have them on the tip of their tongue as the saying goes i wonder if there is a predictable way to decipher how to remember. so like using the clues that you do know and remember to figuire out what it is youve forgotten. i remembered it started with a C so i tried to think of words charisma, charm, cant, collected, corny but then i realised im just describing myself lol. but still no luck as to remembering. what was i doing when i thought of this idea well working but i believe i was complaining in my head about someone complaining being quite the c word and i could write a blog for that. complaining is awful and i need to practice not doing it so often. what was i complaining about? no idea i cant remember any exact details. therein lies my problem. country, cards, cumbersome, cool, company, constant, compelling ,competitive. so as you can tell i have lots of time to write these blogs but i am just slamming out these c words. i was hoping i could write about a formula to remember and then i would remember but its just not happening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PoUg7jXsA

sometimes people try to forget things about themselves that they wish didnt exist sometimes it works usually it will come back up. i guess that depends on your inner strength. the ways i judge inner strength are many different ways. can you keep a secret? are you willing to step up when nobody else will or even step up before anyone else does? can you be true to your word even if it costs you more than its worth? are you happy? that last question is confusing what does happiness have to do with inner strength well ill tell you as i think this through its everything because if your not happy then i dont think you have any inner strength if you cant change your ways to become a happier person thats so weak in my opinion. ill leave you with a speech that a 13 year old girl wrote about inner strength it inspired me and makes me happy to read it

Strength. When some people hear that word they may think of external strength like lifting weights and building muscles, but when i think of strength, i imagine the kind that is found deep down inside of us. It helps us through the bad and gives us the push to accomplish our goals and dreams it is in everyone and it controls our actions it keeps a person together and sane your internal strength may not be noticed until you absolutely need it there is a quote about this you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience which you stop to look fear in the face” i think this quote truly explains where the internal strength comes from. I believe we all start out with a little bit of it but as we grow and we experience tough situations and embrace our fear. We increase the amount of strength we have inside of us. We all develop it andimprove on how we overcome the challenges we face in our lifetime. For example in the past year i have been faced with many hardships with my family and school. But as i faced those challenges i realized i had the strength to get through all of it because of this i am here today happy and at this camp i think of this ability as more of a hidden back up plan. When you think you wont be able to make it through a situation or reached a difficult level of sadness , this deep down strength suprises you and helps you through. Its an unconscious survival instinct our bodies have to deal with things that life throws at us i also believe that when people wether they be friends, family members, classmates, or role your role models usie internal strength it inspires us . it motivates us to be better and this ability seems to rub off on us we get stronger when they do. When i experience my sisters using this strength, i know i also feel like i can overcome anything.in conclusion internal strength is found in every single one of you. It is a beautiful ability that will always be there for you when you feel alone. It helps through hardships and inspires us.
                   
                  by L.W.

dont forget that rememberance day is coming so bust out a poppy after all why not?

neverending white lights ft. dallas green - the grace

In better days I've been known to listen
I go to waste all my time is missing
I'm mapping out my ending,
it's never gonna happen now
These things are condescending
with everybody backing down
You pray to stars that can help you get by
And all at once you forget to try
I'd go there if you let me,
they're never gonna find me now
My life is always empty
and in and out of doubt
You're not coming back for me, these things they will never be
I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong
I'll get back to you,
God knows I try,
but I still lose
And I get back to you,
these days run by,
but I still lose
Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover
When all this loses meaning,
You'll never want it back somehow
Awake but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up
Alone...Where I'm not alone
source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/n/neverendingwhitelightslyrics/thegracelyrics.html

Run away

sometimes i feel the need to run away. i just want the freedom of doing whatever i want to do that day. i dont want to keep going back and doing the same thing everyday. i want to run away and make everyone wonder where i am and what im doing i want them to think that im doing amazing things seeing all the sights and making the most of every moment. i want to think freely. i am going to stop myself there because im saying i want and dont want. instead im going to say i will and im going to stop doing all these things. i think changing your life is simple but not without its challenges

 
i like this idea of simplicity but the only problem being what we associate as good vs bad. but anyways changing your life is simple but you have to do it conciously and subconciously what i mean is if you say things like for example all my family can whistle really loud with their fingers and i was always so jealous so i said to myself one day ill figuire out a way to whistle that they cant and it took years of me saying this and i had completely forgot that i used to tell myself that until it was pointed out to me one day that i can now whistle with just my lips or teeth in a way thats so loud and way cooler than my familys its things like that but you can do it with bigger things as well like if you want to be more patient you can but you have to train yourself i guess this one is more of a concious effort everytime you can feel your patience wearing thin you just have to believe that you have more patience and you will! if you want to do something completely amazing if you keep saying that you will do it and you take the oppurtunitys that present themselves to you. youll find you can control every aspect of your life and sometimes even others. now this power is not to be abused if you continually say and expect the same things from people then why would they expect any different from themselves. example being lets say tommy isnt exactly the crazy type but him and you and some friends are jumping off of somewhere high into a river or something and your friends say that youll never do it and then just do it without you so you jump and prove them all wrong and life is good but tommy is scared and they all say he will never do it but then you say that you never know maybe he will its not offensive to anyone but it just lets him know that if he wants to change right then who he is he can and your the gateway for it and not only that he will appreciate you saying it even if he decides he doesnt want to anyways so your gaining his trust being a good person and not expecting anything from anyone and being a leader for yourself. wow i just made fun of myself for being quite the storyteller but at the same time im practising my storytelling skills because ive always admired people who can just bust out storys whenever they want and they are meaningful and make you think aha a perfect oppurtunity to say that one day ill be a fantastic storyteller. (just a beautiful way to complete this thought i would say)

fear

when i was younger the dark,

coyotes, wolves, bears, even cougars.

when i was young.

older anything honestly nothing,

silly things like shrink wrap,

deal with it.

accomplish a task.

even death cannot conquer me,

a legacy to create

just love me for small reasons,

what my worth?

i wonder brain blockage

controls the mind

fathom something that creates no room,

a waste of time and effort.

time. get over it,

friends, family or love.

selfishness

i just dont have any more time.

uncomfortable

today was a big day for me bigger than ill even know at this time, because someone got into my thoughts and other things.ive always known i was afraid of someone truly knowing me but why? is it because i feel inadequate? is it because i cant choose how i act around them? or is it because i know that im a very likeable person and could ruin something beautiful? or maybe even the possibility of showing my true potential and then always being pushed rather than choosing. even when someone says that they arent trying to influence you they are its inevitable. its as if im telling you that these blogs are just my opinion and i dont want you to think anything of them its bullshit. i want you to read them and i want you to think of why you live your life the way you do. i want to change you into what i feel is a better person. i felt uncomfortable in a way that i havent felt in a very long time. i tried to resist having an auto eject situation i tried to be more open and just be. maybe im just using you as a way to unlock myself from being closed off. i felt the way i want people to make me feel all the time. i can only blame myself for this situation that has happened. im so uncomfortable i keep repeating it which makes me even more uncomfortable. i know that i have made myself this uncomfortable on purpose i know that all im getting out of this is being comfortable with something that im uncomfortable with which is what i do with everything i challenge and push until it breaks then its done with and i dont have to think about it again i just know my unlimitedness

i have struggled with this one i cant get the thoughts right

tattoos

i have a pet peeve its when people ask me what my tattoos mean its not that im not proud of them or even that i dont feel you deserve to know. i think if you get to know me you can figuire out what they mean. its kinda like an advertisement of feelings.

 i have a maple leaf on my inside right forearm with fall colours. meaning love of fall and all its pretty colours love of nature and how i think things need to go back to olden age times when we werent so busy trying to destroy our own planet. also i am canadian and damn proud of it.the veins of the maple leaf are green representing new life and also it needed green to keep balance.

i also have a sparrow on my chest over my heart.meaning freedom i got it when i was 18 i was ready to fly and do it all i even want to become a pilot someday still ive wanted to for a long time. it also is a reminder of peace and keeping calm inside of my heart.

tattoos are addicting its true and if you can look at it everyday forever and be able to explain it to your children then and only then should you get a tattoo. 

so I have this friend whom I kinda helped convince herself to get a tattoo she was scared and thought it would hurt and I told her that unless it has a deep meaning and all that jazz that she shouldn't get it because its fucking permanent. she got a couple tattoos some are quite odd but they have meaning for family and stuff which I get then she recently got one that is about her love of Disney movies and skulls its the apple from snow white that was dipped in the poison just as it came out when it has the shape of a skull over its surface. now I have a problem with this tattoo its not meaningful enough I mean her meaning takes different value than my meaning (obviously) but seriously what do you say to your children oh yeah I liked this classic movie and I like skulls so I figured this would be cool and hip. NO! another tattoo she has is of two cupcakes with cursive writing that says sugar and spice now I realise at this time in her life she thinks she is going to be a cake decorator for the rest of her life but that's such a sad thing to do is decide at a young age what you wanna do for the rest of your life so I just cant support that tattoo either because its not something that's forever. her other tattoos I agree with though  

Balance

now i started to explain balance in a previous blog but realised how little detail i put into it.balance is everywhere its everything nature vs technology, love vs hate, good vs bad, happy vs sad, and also smart vs stupid among other various things. and then go deeper nature has its own sub categories and then so on and so forth until you find that everything and everyone is interconnected. you also have to have balance within yourself introvert vs extrovert, good days and bad days but i also believe if you work on this theory and know that you must have bad days in order to have good ones then bad days arent so bad then eventually it becomes just another day and then you can choose happiness and do things that make you feel great, but then youll lose something somewheres else for example i feel that im a happy person because i have a lot of friends and lots of women like me in their life it makes me feel wanted but on the other hand if i had someone whom loved me and i also loved back(highly unlikely) i feel i wouldnt need to feel wanted or have as many friends maybe im just making excuses not to fall in love. im going to get the word balance tattooed on my body its so signifigant to me. oooh next blog tattoos

good people

im struggling today with what a good person is. i have been told many times that i am and deserve to be called a good person. so heres the deal im honest if you do something wrong ill tell you, if i do something wrong i tell people because i know its wrong. i also try to help as often as i can its a very reasonable effort i feel and others think i do more than i should. so why do i feel im not a good person well ill tell you why its because i am not helping make everyone around me happier every single second of my day im not always willing to lend a hand im not always there for advice im not always around to make others lives easier. i cant stand having to live a life for me i feel selfish working for money i feel the reason i dont think ill ever love what i do is because i have to make money in order to want to do it. i have to be able to afford to live, what a stupid statement im not one for the word stupid but being a good person in this day and age when you work for personal gain is stupid thats why people cant feel satasfied. maybe im being unrealistic i realise this is possible that some people may be perfectly happy doing what they love. one of my fathers statements is if you do what you love youll never work a day in your life. but if i truly love something i dont need a paycheque or a tip or even a thank you. thats my definition of a good person and trust me they dont exist.

thoughts

so its been a while since i have thrown my personal opinions and thoughts at your face. i just reread all of them and it seems as if im very opinionated and angry but this is not the case. i am actually one of the happiest people alive and i am opinionated but not to the point of being willing to argue over everything. my deepest and most secret things for me are what make me happy its hard for me to trust people (so ill trust the whole world and write a blog on the internet !) i quite enjoy little things and basic things some examples. i like children just how happy and smart they are they think with their eyes and are so capable of trust. its because i envy children that i like them so much. also animals are on my top list i believe its true that they have a sense of people and what their intentions are. i like how they have no worries all they need is to eat and sleep nothing more they can have relationships and stuff but all they do is eat and ssleep its fantastic well also they have sex which is well haha nobody would complain about that. i love to think which is an odd statement i feel. im so proud of that last sentence im just going to break it down a bit love is a feeling/ thinking is logical / feelings sometimes arent logical/ which is why its odd to say/ but i only felt its odd which does not in fact make it illogical haha

anyways thinking is fantastic i have friends who know me as a stupid sex crazy manwhore, i also have friends who see nothing but a loving caring wonderful man who can accomplish and do anything, i have friends who think im a slacker and just live carefree. well i am all of these things and also none of them ofcourse if i chose which i wanted everyone to see me as it would be the deemed more positive you know happy fun smart these types of things but i believe that im able to pull off all of my different personalities and maintain myself as one human being is because of my belief in balance. now balance is a huge word to me it describes how i feel on almost every subject. if something is out of balance it needs to be fixed unless it is something that fluctuates in and out of balance. an easy way to explain is with deer and wolves you learn this at a young age that if there is two wolves and ten deer then naturally the wolves will prosper and then deer will be in short supply and thats an example of something that will fluctuate something that doesnt would be like carbon dioxide you need exactly one carbon and two dioxide to have carbon dioxide .......ok its a bad example but you get whaat im saying its when you need exact amounts or else there is a problem

sleep

there is a place to go in your mind for every situation. i dont believe that anyone is incapable of doing so. maybe they just dont know what its like to HATE or love. how can we ourselves know whether we actually feel these feelings or if we just know we are supposed to feel that way so we act it out? i struggle with that question i dont know if age or maturity move your feelings aside or if you can just handle them better as you get older. either way. i just wish i could sleep

repeating repeating repeating

if you want to memorize something just repeat it. if you want to annoy anyone with anything repeat it. i feel the repetition of songs on a regular basis makes you stuck in a time of your life or a certain frame of mind. i know of two people who just listen to the same songs over and over and over its exhausting. but bothe people are completely different one is a woman one is a man. the male of the two is a negative person who doesnt know when he has crossed the line with someone he is also a one upper and has a story for every story you tell he makes me insane. the female of the two is not negative but isnt exactly positive she is afraid of everything and cant make decisions she is easily irritated she is just afraid of being human i guess i dont really know. but they both listen to songs on repeat for hours. . . . .even days. this has got to be added to my list of pet peeves because literally im on the edge of taking their i pod dock or computer and just smashing it and being like WHY THE FUCK!!!!!!! both of them are under achievers i would say the female is happy with her life and is very content just settling into normality and living a fascade the male is older and isnt happy with what he is doing and isnt happy with anything in general. so as you can see both very different but both drive me insane. one is my best friend and the other is a co worker

Athiesm

i find that this world has gone on too long believing in someone or something or multiple someones or somethings. if this world really was started by one man where did he come from? why is it that people can be so foolish as to believe in this gigantic form of control. how many times have you donated to a church ? if you were born and raised with no way of knowing god existed and then someone told you that god existed would you believe them? i know i sure wouldnt. i hate the fact that this world has had its eyes covered and been held back by the church and so many people have wasted their lives if i was god i would want you to be happy i would also want you to help each other other than that you dont need too much else. this world is backwards we all do what we dont want to be doing everyday which is wasting our lives working for no real reason im not a hippy by any means i like technology and i like having material things but i could give everything up easy. imagine if money, religion, technology, and jobs didnt exist we would be in a world where everyone has to make their own food and work together in order to survive. millions if not billions would die i hate to say that but the world needs balance to be restored otherwise everything will end. im an athiest but that doesnt make me a bad person i feel that athiests get this condescention with them and its false.

realization

so every now and then i come to the realization of things and why they exist after my second blog, this being the third in one night i find myself thinking about knowledge. after all knowledge is power and blogging is a gateway for learning. in the sense of you think and feel things and your thoughts and feelings not quite being complete in the sense of not organized. a blog helps you get these ideas out and while writing your feelings down your on the internet and your going to start researching subjects that your talking about whala! knowledge is being gained wether propagandized or not your still learning.
feeling-thought-blog-knowledge-power-happiness

not that power equals happiness but it can lead to it if used properly

FREE DENTAL/VISION!

i have no idea why dental or vision is not included in canada's "free healthcare" this bothers me so much. it is time for change, time for action, but where do i start how do i go about getting these types of things changed its easy to say well ill just become a politician and then i will change everything for the better. what does everything include. well lets think of everything as quality of life here is a link to a quality of life index conducted in 2010
 http://internationalliving.com/2010/02/quality-of-life-2010/

now as you read through some of the interesting facts about countrys and see that canada is lower than the U.S. which i found flabbergasting, youll see that france is number one and the first thing it says is that its healthcare is the best in the world but it has high taxes. well for higher taxes and free dental and vision i dont see the downside to that? but wait lets propagandize this situation

SOCIALISM -a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole. directly off of dictionary.com.

 i feel like people are so uneducated and even myself i feel uneducated i want to learn free from my countrys propagandization. we learn to hate it is a learned thing that we are indoctrinated to believe in our own system that we have now. dont get me wrong im no fan of government control but for our own basic necessitys i feel its the only way. i have heard a saying over the years and it goes something along the lines of "you can judge a nation by how it treats its weak and poor."
http://askville.amazon.com/measure-civilization-treats-weakest-members-accurate-quote/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=4718239

if you would like to know who said it i have a link for you.

i want free and complete healthcare. tommy douglas would be proud of canadians if we could pull this one off.

I am original

so this is going to be the first of many blogs. it is weird saying blog as yes this is my first time. i suppose that i should start with a little about me. my name is none of your business my reason for blogging is to say things to others and maybe make a difference. i don't have good grammar or punctuation i hate this fact and I'm trying to change it. i also love music and everyone says this but for some reason i feel music speaks to me more than it does to a lot of others maybe I'm just naive. i grew up on the farm. hated it. then i moved to the city and actually grew up. now i miss the farm but not the animals just the freedom of doing whatever needed to be done that day and not my specific list of things to do everyday with my job. enough about me for now.