narcissistic?

i had the most fantastic drive today roughly 5 hours of it i was listening to a book reading i bought to stay awake but it wasnt the book that actually enthralled me it was all the ideas and thoughts that made me stay awake. it was a tale of love. the vocabulary level being slightly above mine and it was just written overly descriptive of things that in my opinion didnt need more explanation but i felt it needed more description in other parts but maybe my imagination works differently than the authors and this realization fascinated me. i have a hard time imagining peoples faces and what they should look like if there is little to no description i just cant do it. when it comes to feelings and the way they were thinking i can delve deeper than is described to me and its clear as day. i couldnt portray scenes in my mind they couldnt be what the story described instead i would mash together places that i know like a family friends cabin with the land from PEI that i remember, it was really intruiging. i cant help but wonder where all the differences in people come from but we know some external influences how your raised, where you grew up, the foods you eat, the friends you have all external things but its how people imagine themselves to be on the inside thats what really counts. as cliche as that is to say but like even when you look in the mirror are you suprised at how you look? or at how people can react to you ? sometimes i feel my imagination takes over how i feel i should look in the mirror i dont dislike how i look im perfectly self satasfied but the mirror isnt something i like to look myself in the face in. it doesnt do anything for me i feel more confident with my imagined self. i struggle with knowing wether or not i am just a voice inside my head above my brain or wether im a part of it. wether i live life or just imagine all of the outcomes whilst reacting the way i always do.

i feel i need to explain something as i write i think and thats why i always get off track and always say the word maybe because i dont have a clear definitive answer in my head yet but this is the first time im thinking about it so im seeing where it goes.

back to where i was....... maybe the imagination is just a way to see the way you should be reacting your imagination is who you really are. then again im an introvert...... but extroverts have imaginations too. not to insult extroverts but they just cant seem to contain themselves its as if they will explode if they dont act out what is in their head that very instant. ok it was an insult ill admit it. i love being an introvert i can control myself i can choose my words i can react in ways to get the reactions i want. maybe im also a bit narcissistic.