uncomfortable

today was a big day for me bigger than ill even know at this time, because someone got into my thoughts and other things.ive always known i was afraid of someone truly knowing me but why? is it because i feel inadequate? is it because i cant choose how i act around them? or is it because i know that im a very likeable person and could ruin something beautiful? or maybe even the possibility of showing my true potential and then always being pushed rather than choosing. even when someone says that they arent trying to influence you they are its inevitable. its as if im telling you that these blogs are just my opinion and i dont want you to think anything of them its bullshit. i want you to read them and i want you to think of why you live your life the way you do. i want to change you into what i feel is a better person. i felt uncomfortable in a way that i havent felt in a very long time. i tried to resist having an auto eject situation i tried to be more open and just be. maybe im just using you as a way to unlock myself from being closed off. i felt the way i want people to make me feel all the time. i can only blame myself for this situation that has happened. im so uncomfortable i keep repeating it which makes me even more uncomfortable. i know that i have made myself this uncomfortable on purpose i know that all im getting out of this is being comfortable with something that im uncomfortable with which is what i do with everything i challenge and push until it breaks then its done with and i dont have to think about it again i just know my unlimitedness

i have struggled with this one i cant get the thoughts right