narcissistic?

i had the most fantastic drive today roughly 5 hours of it i was listening to a book reading i bought to stay awake but it wasnt the book that actually enthralled me it was all the ideas and thoughts that made me stay awake. it was a tale of love. the vocabulary level being slightly above mine and it was just written overly descriptive of things that in my opinion didnt need more explanation but i felt it needed more description in other parts but maybe my imagination works differently than the authors and this realization fascinated me. i have a hard time imagining peoples faces and what they should look like if there is little to no description i just cant do it. when it comes to feelings and the way they were thinking i can delve deeper than is described to me and its clear as day. i couldnt portray scenes in my mind they couldnt be what the story described instead i would mash together places that i know like a family friends cabin with the land from PEI that i remember, it was really intruiging. i cant help but wonder where all the differences in people come from but we know some external influences how your raised, where you grew up, the foods you eat, the friends you have all external things but its how people imagine themselves to be on the inside thats what really counts. as cliche as that is to say but like even when you look in the mirror are you suprised at how you look? or at how people can react to you ? sometimes i feel my imagination takes over how i feel i should look in the mirror i dont dislike how i look im perfectly self satasfied but the mirror isnt something i like to look myself in the face in. it doesnt do anything for me i feel more confident with my imagined self. i struggle with knowing wether or not i am just a voice inside my head above my brain or wether im a part of it. wether i live life or just imagine all of the outcomes whilst reacting the way i always do.

i feel i need to explain something as i write i think and thats why i always get off track and always say the word maybe because i dont have a clear definitive answer in my head yet but this is the first time im thinking about it so im seeing where it goes.

back to where i was....... maybe the imagination is just a way to see the way you should be reacting your imagination is who you really are. then again im an introvert...... but extroverts have imaginations too. not to insult extroverts but they just cant seem to contain themselves its as if they will explode if they dont act out what is in their head that very instant. ok it was an insult ill admit it. i love being an introvert i can control myself i can choose my words i can react in ways to get the reactions i want. maybe im also a bit narcissistic.

just some rants

 i have started to tell myself something over and over again one of my many things it goes positivity creates positivity and negativity creates negativity the only way of avoiding either one of these truths is to be aware of them. my life that i currently live in is surrounded by negativity my workplace being the worst of all everyone there doesnt want to be there with the exceptions of myself my boss and one other person i believe but even my boss doesnt want to be there its because of the other people. all they ever talk about is how bad their situation is and how much better they are than the job they have im all for making yourself feel better but eventually they gotta realize they're their own worst enemy. them being negative all the time and complaining well of course thats all their mind thinks about what they should be doing is closing their mouth and opening their minds thinking of solutions instead of clever ways to insult themselves or others. i could complain about these people all day but thats kinda a self fullfilling prophecy i hope they find happiness.

obama has won a second term thats all i needed to know. im canadian not american and i know more about american politics than i do canadian why!!!! i hear about it at work, on the radio, on the internet, everywhere! american politics really isnt that much more amazing than canadian but they do have an us vs them appearance which means somebody is always the bad guy and everyone is so relieved that obama won myself included i feel he has done a lot of work in spite of the bad situation he was left with and if he can bring change to healthcare the man is a god the reason i say this is because of michael moore's documentary called sicko it shows a side of american healthcare that needed to be shown. obama is already a great man and it sickens me that mitt romney was even close in the polls anything i have ever heard about him is awful but could this be strategic propagandization by the existing govt who can tell the truth from a lie anymore. im tired of american politics please canada lets get it together and get people more involved if partys did more inspiring stuff they could get votes. only time will tell but i fear the environment is running out of time

anyone affected by hurricane sandy my thoughts have been with you.

make the effort

when your invited to do things or to go to events with people try your best to go and dont go back on your word if you say youll go then go. people will remember that you made the effort to come see them and that you cared. Its terrifying to go and see people all the time and always have your best face on but i think its good for you. i personally have a terrible habit of ditching people who are close to me for other people whom arent as close. its not that i dont like them its just i know whats going to happen when i hang out with the same people all the time. we get tired of each other. all of our quirks and odd mannerisms begin to become more of annoyances than cute. there are some people who can hang out with the same person all the time but i feel like they need a common goal to work on together this is how people can be married i believe. im getting off track so people will remember that you came to see them for their birthday or going away party or their house warming party any sort of gathering people remember it you dont have to do anything spectacular when you are there. just be yourself. the reason that this is a good idea to do is to have these people around when you need them they wont forget you or disregard you. they will be there for you one day when you have a birthday or anything like that hopefully they make the same choice to come and see you.