forgetting and remembering

so i had a fantastic idea to write about today and wouldnt ya know it as soon as im ready to get to it i forget what it was all about im sure it started with a C but oh well. ive just had a thought that maybe when people forget things or have them on the tip of their tongue as the saying goes i wonder if there is a predictable way to decipher how to remember. so like using the clues that you do know and remember to figuire out what it is youve forgotten. i remembered it started with a C so i tried to think of words charisma, charm, cant, collected, corny but then i realised im just describing myself lol. but still no luck as to remembering. what was i doing when i thought of this idea well working but i believe i was complaining in my head about someone complaining being quite the c word and i could write a blog for that. complaining is awful and i need to practice not doing it so often. what was i complaining about? no idea i cant remember any exact details. therein lies my problem. country, cards, cumbersome, cool, company, constant, compelling ,competitive. so as you can tell i have lots of time to write these blogs but i am just slamming out these c words. i was hoping i could write about a formula to remember and then i would remember but its just not happening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PoUg7jXsA

sometimes people try to forget things about themselves that they wish didnt exist sometimes it works usually it will come back up. i guess that depends on your inner strength. the ways i judge inner strength are many different ways. can you keep a secret? are you willing to step up when nobody else will or even step up before anyone else does? can you be true to your word even if it costs you more than its worth? are you happy? that last question is confusing what does happiness have to do with inner strength well ill tell you as i think this through its everything because if your not happy then i dont think you have any inner strength if you cant change your ways to become a happier person thats so weak in my opinion. ill leave you with a speech that a 13 year old girl wrote about inner strength it inspired me and makes me happy to read it

Strength. When some people hear that word they may think of external strength like lifting weights and building muscles, but when i think of strength, i imagine the kind that is found deep down inside of us. It helps us through the bad and gives us the push to accomplish our goals and dreams it is in everyone and it controls our actions it keeps a person together and sane your internal strength may not be noticed until you absolutely need it there is a quote about this you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience which you stop to look fear in the face” i think this quote truly explains where the internal strength comes from. I believe we all start out with a little bit of it but as we grow and we experience tough situations and embrace our fear. We increase the amount of strength we have inside of us. We all develop it andimprove on how we overcome the challenges we face in our lifetime. For example in the past year i have been faced with many hardships with my family and school. But as i faced those challenges i realized i had the strength to get through all of it because of this i am here today happy and at this camp i think of this ability as more of a hidden back up plan. When you think you wont be able to make it through a situation or reached a difficult level of sadness , this deep down strength suprises you and helps you through. Its an unconscious survival instinct our bodies have to deal with things that life throws at us i also believe that when people wether they be friends, family members, classmates, or role your role models usie internal strength it inspires us . it motivates us to be better and this ability seems to rub off on us we get stronger when they do. When i experience my sisters using this strength, i know i also feel like i can overcome anything.in conclusion internal strength is found in every single one of you. It is a beautiful ability that will always be there for you when you feel alone. It helps through hardships and inspires us.
                   
                  by L.W.

dont forget that rememberance day is coming so bust out a poppy after all why not?

neverending white lights ft. dallas green - the grace

In better days I've been known to listen
I go to waste all my time is missing
I'm mapping out my ending,
it's never gonna happen now
These things are condescending
with everybody backing down
You pray to stars that can help you get by
And all at once you forget to try
I'd go there if you let me,
they're never gonna find me now
My life is always empty
and in and out of doubt
You're not coming back for me, these things they will never be
I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong
I'll get back to you,
God knows I try,
but I still lose
And I get back to you,
these days run by,
but I still lose
Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover
When all this loses meaning,
You'll never want it back somehow
Awake but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up
Alone...Where I'm not alone
source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/n/neverendingwhitelightslyrics/thegracelyrics.html

Run away

sometimes i feel the need to run away. i just want the freedom of doing whatever i want to do that day. i dont want to keep going back and doing the same thing everyday. i want to run away and make everyone wonder where i am and what im doing i want them to think that im doing amazing things seeing all the sights and making the most of every moment. i want to think freely. i am going to stop myself there because im saying i want and dont want. instead im going to say i will and im going to stop doing all these things. i think changing your life is simple but not without its challenges

 
i like this idea of simplicity but the only problem being what we associate as good vs bad. but anyways changing your life is simple but you have to do it conciously and subconciously what i mean is if you say things like for example all my family can whistle really loud with their fingers and i was always so jealous so i said to myself one day ill figuire out a way to whistle that they cant and it took years of me saying this and i had completely forgot that i used to tell myself that until it was pointed out to me one day that i can now whistle with just my lips or teeth in a way thats so loud and way cooler than my familys its things like that but you can do it with bigger things as well like if you want to be more patient you can but you have to train yourself i guess this one is more of a concious effort everytime you can feel your patience wearing thin you just have to believe that you have more patience and you will! if you want to do something completely amazing if you keep saying that you will do it and you take the oppurtunitys that present themselves to you. youll find you can control every aspect of your life and sometimes even others. now this power is not to be abused if you continually say and expect the same things from people then why would they expect any different from themselves. example being lets say tommy isnt exactly the crazy type but him and you and some friends are jumping off of somewhere high into a river or something and your friends say that youll never do it and then just do it without you so you jump and prove them all wrong and life is good but tommy is scared and they all say he will never do it but then you say that you never know maybe he will its not offensive to anyone but it just lets him know that if he wants to change right then who he is he can and your the gateway for it and not only that he will appreciate you saying it even if he decides he doesnt want to anyways so your gaining his trust being a good person and not expecting anything from anyone and being a leader for yourself. wow i just made fun of myself for being quite the storyteller but at the same time im practising my storytelling skills because ive always admired people who can just bust out storys whenever they want and they are meaningful and make you think aha a perfect oppurtunity to say that one day ill be a fantastic storyteller. (just a beautiful way to complete this thought i would say)

fear

when i was younger the dark,

coyotes, wolves, bears, even cougars.

when i was young.

older anything honestly nothing,

silly things like shrink wrap,

deal with it.

accomplish a task.

even death cannot conquer me,

a legacy to create

just love me for small reasons,

what my worth?

i wonder brain blockage

controls the mind

fathom something that creates no room,

a waste of time and effort.

time. get over it,

friends, family or love.

selfishness

i just dont have any more time.

uncomfortable

today was a big day for me bigger than ill even know at this time, because someone got into my thoughts and other things.ive always known i was afraid of someone truly knowing me but why? is it because i feel inadequate? is it because i cant choose how i act around them? or is it because i know that im a very likeable person and could ruin something beautiful? or maybe even the possibility of showing my true potential and then always being pushed rather than choosing. even when someone says that they arent trying to influence you they are its inevitable. its as if im telling you that these blogs are just my opinion and i dont want you to think anything of them its bullshit. i want you to read them and i want you to think of why you live your life the way you do. i want to change you into what i feel is a better person. i felt uncomfortable in a way that i havent felt in a very long time. i tried to resist having an auto eject situation i tried to be more open and just be. maybe im just using you as a way to unlock myself from being closed off. i felt the way i want people to make me feel all the time. i can only blame myself for this situation that has happened. im so uncomfortable i keep repeating it which makes me even more uncomfortable. i know that i have made myself this uncomfortable on purpose i know that all im getting out of this is being comfortable with something that im uncomfortable with which is what i do with everything i challenge and push until it breaks then its done with and i dont have to think about it again i just know my unlimitedness

i have struggled with this one i cant get the thoughts right

tattoos

i have a pet peeve its when people ask me what my tattoos mean its not that im not proud of them or even that i dont feel you deserve to know. i think if you get to know me you can figuire out what they mean. its kinda like an advertisement of feelings.

 i have a maple leaf on my inside right forearm with fall colours. meaning love of fall and all its pretty colours love of nature and how i think things need to go back to olden age times when we werent so busy trying to destroy our own planet. also i am canadian and damn proud of it.the veins of the maple leaf are green representing new life and also it needed green to keep balance.

i also have a sparrow on my chest over my heart.meaning freedom i got it when i was 18 i was ready to fly and do it all i even want to become a pilot someday still ive wanted to for a long time. it also is a reminder of peace and keeping calm inside of my heart.

tattoos are addicting its true and if you can look at it everyday forever and be able to explain it to your children then and only then should you get a tattoo. 

so I have this friend whom I kinda helped convince herself to get a tattoo she was scared and thought it would hurt and I told her that unless it has a deep meaning and all that jazz that she shouldn't get it because its fucking permanent. she got a couple tattoos some are quite odd but they have meaning for family and stuff which I get then she recently got one that is about her love of Disney movies and skulls its the apple from snow white that was dipped in the poison just as it came out when it has the shape of a skull over its surface. now I have a problem with this tattoo its not meaningful enough I mean her meaning takes different value than my meaning (obviously) but seriously what do you say to your children oh yeah I liked this classic movie and I like skulls so I figured this would be cool and hip. NO! another tattoo she has is of two cupcakes with cursive writing that says sugar and spice now I realise at this time in her life she thinks she is going to be a cake decorator for the rest of her life but that's such a sad thing to do is decide at a young age what you wanna do for the rest of your life so I just cant support that tattoo either because its not something that's forever. her other tattoos I agree with though  

Balance

now i started to explain balance in a previous blog but realised how little detail i put into it.balance is everywhere its everything nature vs technology, love vs hate, good vs bad, happy vs sad, and also smart vs stupid among other various things. and then go deeper nature has its own sub categories and then so on and so forth until you find that everything and everyone is interconnected. you also have to have balance within yourself introvert vs extrovert, good days and bad days but i also believe if you work on this theory and know that you must have bad days in order to have good ones then bad days arent so bad then eventually it becomes just another day and then you can choose happiness and do things that make you feel great, but then youll lose something somewheres else for example i feel that im a happy person because i have a lot of friends and lots of women like me in their life it makes me feel wanted but on the other hand if i had someone whom loved me and i also loved back(highly unlikely) i feel i wouldnt need to feel wanted or have as many friends maybe im just making excuses not to fall in love. im going to get the word balance tattooed on my body its so signifigant to me. oooh next blog tattoos

good people

im struggling today with what a good person is. i have been told many times that i am and deserve to be called a good person. so heres the deal im honest if you do something wrong ill tell you, if i do something wrong i tell people because i know its wrong. i also try to help as often as i can its a very reasonable effort i feel and others think i do more than i should. so why do i feel im not a good person well ill tell you why its because i am not helping make everyone around me happier every single second of my day im not always willing to lend a hand im not always there for advice im not always around to make others lives easier. i cant stand having to live a life for me i feel selfish working for money i feel the reason i dont think ill ever love what i do is because i have to make money in order to want to do it. i have to be able to afford to live, what a stupid statement im not one for the word stupid but being a good person in this day and age when you work for personal gain is stupid thats why people cant feel satasfied. maybe im being unrealistic i realise this is possible that some people may be perfectly happy doing what they love. one of my fathers statements is if you do what you love youll never work a day in your life. but if i truly love something i dont need a paycheque or a tip or even a thank you. thats my definition of a good person and trust me they dont exist.