i dont think people get me most days i have a relaxed way of being stress doesnt get to me i cant explain why. there is something to be said for things that you yourself just do and know through and through when others struggle with it everyday. its not that i dont have stress there are many things that do stress me , but i have found that i start to make excuses for myself just because im stressed doesnt give me any right to insult anyone, doesnt give me the right to be selfish. it does not make any sense to let stress control you. maybe i believe in destiny more than i know because if i am in a situation that would normally stress me there is some sort of place that i have with an overwhelming calm it feels like ive done this before everything.
my dissatasfaction is the result of my own ability to remain calm.
what a frightening thought stopped me dead in my tracks for a couple weeks now i have came back and reread this several times. i can feel myself try to argue that that statement is not right it cant be but i know it must be. that statement is a downwards sentence spirals down your happiness.
my satasfaction is the result of my inability to go crazy.
interesting all i have to do is flip flop it and the original statement makes so much more sense. i think thats it you just need to be aware of your actions and thoughts. be able to interpret wether your making happy statements or sad/depressing ones and if you are making sad or depressing comments then find a way to reverse that mentality. i would love to think that this is some super ground breaking amazing thought but i would also be even more happy if this is just basic and there is so much more to discover.
I Believe in Your Victory - This Will Destroy You (fantastic thinking song)
everything is not okay.
says this was published on 01/01/2013 I cant for the life of me remember why I wrote that everything is not okay. its not that I have been busy or anything my mind has just been so cluttered. I don't know what im doing anymore I feel like I have no purpose my job seems to be unwinding im so great at it but my effort is no longer there I need a challenge but my boss seems to be backpedalling me so he wont have to pay me more or maybe he sees I feel lost and is giving me a break. sometimes I get tired of myself and the way I feel about you get what you earn and make happen boy I could use a handout im not sure what for but I just want something unexpected and completely fulfilling.
im so tough on everyone and myself. maybe I took the saying be the change you wanna see in the world really to heart and because I feel there is so much to change I have created obscenely high expectations of people. I believe in people and I believe in doing whats right and wrong.
